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the bluesssss.....

Wednesday, August 11, 20105:11 AM

why am i getting the bluesssss.... i seriously got issues.. lol.. i'm facing the same problem with my mind and heart.. why do brains think so much of things that we're not suppose to think.. why do i think so much stuff which may not be the truth... BRAIN OH BRAIN can you CUT THE CRAP!!! have been struggling with this problem for so long and it's still not solved within me.. that is y problems arise.. it's my own prob i guess... gah!!! just needed a place to voice out.. am i the only one like that? oh dear me.. why are you like that? be yourself.. or maybe i dunno even know who myself is.. this is not cool.. GAH!!!!!! kick the blueeessss out of me!!!! =S..

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Monday, August 9, 20104:40 AM

THE FALLING RAIN

Falling rain drops
reflecting through her eyes
portraying her sadness
in the reckless pass

Walking an endless road
mindless of where to go
regretting what she decided
not knowing what to do

Darkness poured over her
blinded by uncountable hurts
shutting the heart's door
depending on time to be mended

Time moves slowly by
with the heavy burden in her
lonely there she lay
rain still pouring on her..

ancient poem.. i don remember when i wrote it.. but i still love it.. =X.. self praise.. XD.. haha.. nothing much to say today actually.. so that's all!! =D..

signing off

miss bella

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GRATEFULLNESS

Saturday, August 7, 20108:23 PM

i really wanna thank God for everything that happened in my life although some are not what i expect it to be.. but He has been awesome and good to me.. had a sudden thought and realization that no matter what wrong choices i made He will get me out and give me strength and the company to go through the times..

when i entered taylors my family and i din really sit down and pray about were am i suppose to be where am i suppose to study while listening to my friend's testimony that her dad has a confirmation from God about where she should be going.. my dad and i was talking about it and we soon realized that we have to ask God in every single little thing that we do.. going in taylors to study SAM was my goal since form 4 i guess.. i was so sure that i wanted there.. and although my parents and i did not pray about it God had placed awesome friends there for me.. especially candice whereby we've been so accountable to each other in all aspect.. be it about our walk with christ or like other girls talking about guys.. and Sarah as well who was there to yell at me almost all the time but i LOVE her so much.. i'm happy to be given a opportunity and chance to study there.. struggling about my purpose at that time.. i was thinking am i in the right place and stuff.. den came the news that i got Government Matriculation.. something that i never thought of getting as ppl said that it's pretty tough for a chinese to get in and stuff.. and actually i never thought of applying for matriculation when i was in form 5.. i kinda applied during the last day.. i din plan to tell my parents as i was so sure that i'm going in taylors for SAM until during dinner one day i just told my parents all my friends are putting their name in for government matrix and stuff... den my parents said go apply la.. why not.. then i was like aren't i already confirmed about going in taylors.. and at that point i never thought about financial.. i guess me applying for matrix is not by coincidence but it was God's plan i guess.. accepting matrix offer was also a struggle.. my dad and i din know what was best for me.. and we were actually in tough situation.. and at that point of time my desire for JPA was so great that i can even imagine myself getting it although i know it's so tough to get in.. it was a pretty emotional thingy.. people might not understand what i feel.. but yeah.. it is indeed emotional.. i actually was just thinking about my purpose.. where's my purpose and what is the road to take..
deciding about me going in matrix was tough.. i became emotional and things was just tough.. i've gotta leave my friends in taylors which i already built quite a close tie with and really enjoyed their company and my freedom that i have.. i seriously was just confused.. then poof here i am in KMJ.. the first week of orientation was just a disaster for me.. my emotions was all over.. regrets took over.. and i dont even know at times why did i made that choice.. but i did say that i would go in Government matrix to lessen my parents burden about thinking about how are they gonna pay for my future education.. i dont wish to see them sacrificing everything they have for their old age for me to continue my studies... after going in for matrix my hopes for JPA was still high.. was totally in self denial that i was able to get.. the the truth smack me hard.. but before checking the results i told God that i will surrender the results to him.. wherever He wants me to be i will go.. be it staying here in KMJ which at that point of time i was not really happy about it.. den rayuan for JPA came.. rayued but i still said that no matter what it is i will follow suit his plans.. as once i talked to james and he told me that if i really made a wrong choice to go in matrix or it's not God's will wouldnt God find a way to get me out.. i was yeah.. that's pretty right.. so rayued dint get through too.. had to accept the fact that i'm staying.. and with that fact i've gotta study hard and really hard.. things not easy.. spiritually i was in a pretty rocky stage.. my downs were really down my up was not very up.. but i really amazed about the number of christians in KMJ and i was actually happy.. my thought about gathering the christians was even thoughts of another girl.. which was pretty awesome and it was really cool.. then i met with a group of friends who are also active in sports and as well as studies.. and it was awesome although they were non chirstians but their awesome.. caring and all.. but i had a struggle about not having someone whom i can really talk to.. some one whom i can fully open up too like i have plenty back in KL.. den when us Christians gathered i really was happy to see that we christians can gather and even have our morning prayer.. and it was just pretty awesome.. and then came the plan about CF.. it's tough getting it approved.. but i am really glad that we're given the permission to have it.. God has been awesome.. placing me in a place and giving me awesome stuff.. i guess us Christians who are in KMJ are not placed here by coincidence but by God's will.. i'm really glad about how God helped me throughout everything.. THANK YOU GOD.. YOU'RE JUST AWESOME!!

give thanks with a grateful heart

give thanks to the holy one

give thanks because he is given

jesus christ his son

and now let the weak say í am strong

let the poor say i am rich

because of what

the Lord has done for us

GIVE THANKS!

i'm pretty glad to say that i'm actually enjoying life in KMJ with all the things that are given to me.. although my freedom is restricted in a way but i had found joy in studying here and it is awesome and things are getting better with great and awesome friends around.. =D..

signing off

missbella

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life

Friday, August 6, 20107:36 AM

life ... has it ups and downs.. many ups and downs for me so far.. just somethings just breaks the soul but some just builds up a stronger me.. =D..

a super good news for me was the approval of CF in my college.. it was a long wait but i guess it's worth it.. although there're so many restriction.. but i guess we should be thanking God that we're given a chance as christians to gather and be accountable with each other.. talking about accountability.. shared about it today..

i guess in KMJ we really need accountability among us christians.. to uphold each other in prayer and giving Godly advices and more spark for the fire in us to burn brighter! .. it's tough being the minority here where there are terribly lots restrictions.. but tolerating is what we can do.. stop complaining but start acting.. we should not keep asking why this happen but how to overcome it.. and rely on God for wisdom and strength.. tolerating doesn't mean that we're giving in but more of portraying our faith... God has been very good to us.. giving us a good teacher to help us out and great christian friends here.. i still think we've gotta open up more to each other allowing each one of us to pray and give a word of encouragement to each other..

UPS is over and the marks are coming soon.. i had made a decision to put all things into God's hands and stop worrying too much.. as said in Matthew 6:34 Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about it's own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
learning not to worry so much and rely on God.. for if we do our part God will handle the rest.. we are vessels of God.. we are not the ones that makes things happen but through Him and Him alone we're able to make things happen..

PSALM 23

The Lord is my Shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me int he paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Yea though i walk through the valley of death,
I will fear no evil;
For you are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cups run over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
FOREVER.

signing off,
missbella

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